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Nikki Burwell

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It's been a long time... [30 Sep 2007|11:10pm]

Holy crap. My last post was 33 weeks ago. Oh well, I guess it's been good because I really don't want to talk about much of anything. I didn't at least. I came back to this because no one reads it but it's still out there. It's nice to know, in some random place in the world, someone might care. I just don't know them personally. Man, life is so odd. The people you think you'll be with forever aren't real. I always tried to live with no regrets. I have a few now. But they didn't hit me until recently. I regret blowing Brandi off for Brittany. Brandi was such a loyal friend. I crave loyalty. I don't get much. Life is lonely a lot. I really hate being lonely. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy. I just wish...oh well everyone wishes.
I don't have much else to say. I'm really really sick of this. All of this. I quit?
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And I'm ready to drop *_ [08 Feb 2007|09:10pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

So this week has been amazing.
I love spending time with Auston and Justin and Britt. They are so crazy and full of life. It makes me feel...good.
Auston makes me feel like I'm worth something so much more than I always thought.
Justin makes me laugh and feel like I'm worthy of being someone's best friend.
And Britt...she's amazing. I love her like she were my sister.
Swimming and hot tub and sauna...warm and fun. And no school. Aww golly gee it was amazing.

And just a fun tidbit to end the day...
PsychoticSnowmen: u realy should have came over i made fresh chocolet chip cookies
Hey Nikki Em: awww gee
Hey Nikki Em: man golly poop.

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[07 Nov 2006|03:38pm]
[ mood | pensive ]

Samara "Sammie" White died this morning in a house fire on Henderson road.

Rest In Peace Sammie, your friends all miss you.

I really hope you're okay, Sam. I know you were close. And Eric....hold on...you'll make it through....I know you loved her....but you'll make it through.

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[24 Oct 2006|12:33am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I wanted to just come home today and go to bed.
But then Auston wanted to get his haircut and then we went to wendys and then I had an eye doctor appointment and then I had to go get my script filled. It was crazy.
So now I am finally home, my eye hurts like hell, and I can't stop complaining.

Oh well. Brianna (what'serface) apologized to me today about Dana freaking out on me.
I say I forgive her. And I do, for what Dana said, but I don't for her starting all this drama in the first place.

Ok you all.

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[28 Sep 2006|10:23pm]
[ mood | tired ]

He's like a cup of hot chocolate on a cold winter day.

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This post is dedicated to how cool Scott is. [23 Sep 2006|11:03am]
[ mood | happy ]

So Scott came and saw me at Sbarros. He ate pizza and bit his tongue.

Oh and he made a foil heart. It's sitting by the cash register. It made me smile =]

So thanks Scott. You are cooool =]

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And the verdict is... [18 Jul 2006|12:47pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

Oh wow.

Today was one of the best days in such a long time....

Auston's meeting was today...

I was so scared.

I went into the meeting and sat there...almost shaking...I was near tears when they began...they announced why he was expelled in such a cold, clear voice that you could just tell that it wasn't anything more than a case to that woman...I bit my lip so hard it almost brought blood. But the meeting went okay. I was so proud of my baby...he took it like a man. He has grown so much and I can tell just by looking at him that he's no longer the boy I met a year and a half ago. ((our one & a half year anniversary is in a week or so)) Anyways, we got through the meeting, then walked out so they could deliberate. I was so scared...I started to cry but Brandi stood with me and prayed with me so the tears stopped. A few minutes later ((it felt like an eternity)) they called us back. Every single one of those board members agreed: He gets re-instated in the fall. October 5th. Mark your calenders children =].

And a special thanks to Brandi who was there for me. I really needed you today. I love you hun =]

::gosh:: I have waited for this day for almost a year. I am so happy.

Night, loves =D

1 comment|post comment

[16 Jul 2006|04:37pm]
[ mood | restless ]

I should probably post more.

But I never do.

Brittany & Brandi are both back, I missed Britt like insane but I haven't even seen Brandi since school got out. I feel like I do every summer....like I am losing my friends. Like most of them don't even care to call or even attempt to hang out.

But I have Britt & Auston, they are my heroes =]

Auston's meeting is tomorrow. We'll find out if he can come back or not. Pray for him please.


<3 Nikki
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[08 Jun 2006|09:33pm]
[ mood | calm ]

Life has been so crazy lately.
With that Stress project over with, I feel like I can breathbreathe. I took a 4 hour nap today while Auston was at work, it was a very well-spent chunk of time. I feel calm for the first time in about 4 weeks.
About Auston...I was really worried for a little bit there that we weren't going to make it through the summer. But I remember worrying about that same thing last summer, and I still can remember the night we first talked about it...and how much better it felt to let it all out. So last night I let it all out. I love my boyfriend. Enough said. He is so wonderful, and I don't appreciate him nearly as much as I should.
Graduation was nice. I almost cried, almost!! When the seniors ((Alumni...I guess...it feels so weird to call them that)) walked out....knowing it was the last time I'll see most of them...that was when I wanted to cry. Senior Farwell was a little more tear-jerking however. I'll always miss my brother...it will be weird not having him around. I know we never saw much of each other, but he was always THERE. Now he'll be off in Almay. =(
High school drama goes on. Like always. It's dumb and I can't wait until I don't have to deal with it at all anymore.

♥ ♥ Nikki
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[26 May 2006|04:19pm]
[ mood | curious ]

I always feel like such a loser, sitting around at home, writing a freaking paper over memorial day weekend, and waiting for my boyfriend to get out of work so I can talk to him.

Wow. I need a life.

The seniors left yesterday. I cried. A lot.

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[17 May 2006|04:00pm]
[ mood | irritated ]

I just want to feel loved again.
I just want to feel needed again.
Sometimes...love hurts too much....

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Happiness.... [15 May 2006|04:21pm]
[ mood | bouncy ]

I am so excited for this weekend. Things aren't final, but Bambz is spending the weekend with me....and Auston and David might come over....=D
My threeee favvvorite people =D

I ♥ Bambz.

She rocks so hard =D

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BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY BIRTHDAY!!! [05 Apr 2006|06:59pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]


I am so excited.

I WILL BE 16!!!!

Ohhhhmy gosh...

I ♥ it =D


I wake up early and spend some time with my Mommers
I get all dressed up and get my booty to school
Rob, Pilsbury, and Ashley sing happy birthday to me on the bus
I give cupcakes to my first hour
I come home
Get all dressed up
Auston picks me up
We go on our "first date" ((hah, right =D))
He takes me home and we have cake with my family =D

Could life get too much better?



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Spring Break....ducks...birthday! [02 Apr 2006|08:06pm]
[ mood | =D ]

Spring Break is coming to an end...It was very, very fun though!

My mom left for a conference and left me with my Aunt all weekend...ay yi yi that was crazy...but it was okay because I saw Auston like...constantly...

Monday was Jess' bonfire...it was fun =D

I got to drive the cute yellow truck again! YAY

Thursday Auston and I hung out. We fed ducks, went for a bike ride, jumped on a trampoline...
It was fun =D

Friday I went to his house. He tried to teach me how to ride a unicycle...I fell on my butt and hurt myself =P
I'm such a nerd =D
Then it started raining...another *perfect moment*...::sigh:: we danced, we kissed....it was amazing...

Then we hung out in his convertable, it's this gorgeous blue skylark....I ♥ it! He passed his road test first try =D so he'll be getting his license within 2 weeks.

My birthday is on Thursday....so excited!! Sweeet 16 for Nikki =D

I can't wait. I hope it's an *amazing* day!




::smiles all around::


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[27 Mar 2006|11:21am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

For some reason, Spring Break just got ooberly confusing....

Yesterday I was just hanging out at home when my phone rings...and it's Mike...he told me he had a surprise and that he was going to drop by. I thought he was bringing his duck ((we had a bet about his duck and when it was fully grown I was supposed to meet him)). Well I walked outside and I didn't see anything...or anybody....I looked over towards my garage and there was Matt. Yah....ex-boyfriend Matt...Illinois Matt....the guy that broke my heart Matt....
So of course, excited to see one of my best friends ((or used to be at least)) I ran towards him and almost knocked him off the stairs.
And after the original "OMGAWD it's Matt!!!"" feeling let off....it was incredibly awkward. We went for a walk...kinda talked about Illinois....he hates it there. He said one thing that made me feel really awkward...he said "That's why I didn't want to come back. I didn't want to see you...and then leave and have to miss you all over again..." Now....in the past....those were the words I had been dying to hear. I always wanted Matt's love, support, and romance. But now...it's all different...
The lines between friends and more have all gotten fuzzy...where do I stop him from telling me how he feels? Auston is....my everything now....Matt has suddenly become just a friend...which is something he NEVER was to me. But that's where I want him. I'm happy now. I have a stable relationsip...I love him...
What do you say to a guy that you used to care for so much that he made you cry every night....the guy that broke your heart into a million peices when it was time to say goodbye...I used to think he'd be the only guy for me...

But like I said, the lines are fuzzy now...

And he won't stop insulting Auston. That just...isn't right. He seems to think that by constantly insulting him we will gain back what we used to have...but I am beginging to wonder if we ever had anything at all...By insulting Auston, all he does is make me disrespect him more...

Oh well. What do you do? What CAN I do? Not much. If Matt and I can't be friends....then we can't be anything...because right now, that's what I want from him. friendship I want the guy that used to be able to make me laugh when things were horrible...the guy that was my best guy friend, the guy next door kind of personality...I can't accept this new, jealous Matt...

Oh well.

The rest of Spring Break ((prior to Mr. Russell showing up)) has been fun. Friday Brittany spent the night, it was nice to hang out, just the girls for once. Man problems aside...All though I consider myself very lucky in the man category...I've got the best one =D ((And I ♥ his mohawk =D))

Saturday I went to Frakenmuth with Auston and some of his family. Him and I walked around Riverplace and enjoyed the cold air...the beautiful scenary...all the cute shops...Then we went to the resteraunt and ate. It was a wonderful night =D

Oh and if anyone could give me or this girl some advice...let us know...
hopeleslidvotd28: yah....i don't know what to tell you hunnie
hopeleslidvotd28: i mean in your shoes i'd be a lot more assertive and would lay down the line for him so i don't get hurt...but babe that's because i have been hurt before in the worst possible way, and i won't let a guy to that to me again. once you GET hurt you understand that you hAVE to stand up for yourself...it's a dog-eat-dog world and people just go right for the throat...if he is fooling us all, we need to know
hopeleslidvotd28: the only one who seems to have the power to find out...is you....

hopeleslidvotd22: i know..and i want to just tell him to stop this..to just get over everything...and tell me what the hell is going on...but im not an assertive person...you know that...i don't like feeling like i HAVE to be assertive...like i have to fight all these other girls for him...and i know that im the only one with the power to find out whats going on...its just that im too scared to actually find out...
hopeleslidvotd28: and by assertive i don't mean to fight the other grrls...i mean assertive to stop him from everything he's doing, tell him you NEED to talk, and to sit down and explain to him that this attack on his character is overly suspicious....WHY WON'T YOU BE WITH ME? why do you NEED to have all these other girls....and most importantly....aren't I enough??
hopeleslidvotd22: it amazes me that all these things...these are all the questions that ive wanted to ask him forever...every time i try to ask him...or think about asking him...my heart hurts too much to do it...ive cried..when i was online with him..and on the phone with him...he never knew...but it happens...and theres nothing i can do to stop it...its just that i dont want him to break my heart...anymore than he already has...
hopeleslidvotd28: i've been here before....what do i say? what do i do? how to i stop myself from getting hurt and all along the signs are there, it's a big whirlwind of confusion that you can't stop....you don't know HOW to stop....maybe you don't want to...
hopeleslidvotd22: exactly..its like...theres all these signs..and things telling me...telling me that i should just give up on him..and i dont know how to handle it...im getting different stories from every damn person i talk to...and its like...no matter what type of horrible things i hear...i dont want to believe they could ever possibly be true...i want to stop myself from getting hurt...i just don't know how...and i honestly dont think im ready to give up... 



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[26 Mar 2006|12:28pm]
[ mood | happy ]

My Baby has his mohawk back!!

o_0 and it's hott =D

Anywho...Spring Break rocks =D

I think Auston and I are gonna have a smaller party than we thought, we'll let you guys know!


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[02 Mar 2006|08:11pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

Hey guys...

I guess Jess decided to switch schools...

I'm not blaming anyone...

But maybe if you guys were nicer to her, she'd change her mind...



Saturday Me, Auston, Ken, and Bambz are going to ((most likely)) go to the park, then come home when we get cold and watch some moo-ovies =D

Then Sunday I might claim my man and go ice skatin!

Fuuuun =D

My grandpa got his cast off and has been eating soo much better. He's going through therapy and isn't losing every little thing he eats, so we are definatly on the way up. Please keep praying, and PLEASE don't tell me you'll pray just to look cool. Only say it if you mean it.

Life is going pretty good for me, I guess. The snow day today kinda through off my plans. I had a job shadow planned at Atherton Elementary and since schools were closed all over today, that was ruined. Which also means that Mrs. McHerfert is gonna kill me if I don't get a job shadow in...

Oh man...

Well, that's really all for now.

I love ya all =D



PS: think about the Jess thing...I don't want her leaving...
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[20 Feb 2006|02:30pm]
[ mood | cold ]

So basically my life is going really fast right now...I'm really not sure where I am headed or where I'm going to end up in a year or so. I am hoping that things turn for the better soon, though, because much more of this is going to kill me =/

I am really happy for Brandi...I really hope things work out for her and Ken. I don't think he reads this anymore so I feel safe to say that I know it's killing her to not be with him. She says that he is dependent on knowing that people love him...and she's okay with being just another girl, as long as she's just another one of his girls. I just can't imagine feeling like second string. If Auston was like that, I think I'd die... hah.

Sam and I really aren't talking now...She lies too much and she hurts too many people. But whatever. She lost her best friend, guess that's what she gets.

Other than that...

Yesterday I went bowling with Auston and his family...I felt horrible. I like brought bad luck to the whole family. Auston's dad had 4 strikes in a row...he was doing *so good* and when his next turn came up, I jokingly said "no more strikes"....
he didn't get another strike the whole game.

Then on the way home, Holly (Auston's step-mom) got pulled over...scared the freaking crap outta me!! Her taillight was out...and we didnt' have our seatbelts on =/

Today we are gonna go to the movies with the family again =) I looooove his family. *So loved*

My grandpa isn't doing much better...we still don't know what's wrong...

Again, please pray.

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don't listen... [18 Feb 2006|12:09pm]
[ mood | pretty much crushed... ]

People tell you you call tell them anything...

((don't believe them))

because your "feelings" can make your life suck...horribly....if you let people know that you feel that way.

Especially never tell your mom how you feel.

because life can suck.

and it will.

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I got the same thing as Laura!! Happy Valentine's Day yall!!!! [13 Feb 2006|03:00pm]
[ mood | uhg...cramps.... ]

Your Candy Heart Says "Hug Me"

A total sweetheart, you always have a lot of love to give out.
Your heart is open to where ever love takes you!

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: a surprise romantic evening that you've planned out

Your flirting style: lots of listening and talking

What turns you off: fighting and conflict

Why you're hot: you're fearless about falling in love

I can't wait =) =) =)
So what did you all get for your hunnies?
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